Every day, many emails inquire if there is an "English version" of Tahiti-Pacifique magazine. Civilized people used to instant coffee, instant diapers, instant gratification and instant divorce also feel entitled to instant news from Tahiti.
Alas, there is no English version of Tahiti-Pacifique, just as there is no French version of "Time" or "Newsweek".
So smart people ask : "Well, if so many inquire, then why the hell don't you publish an English version ?"
We reply : "Would you publish an Ukrainian language magazine in Hawaii ?"
Your answer will be : "Of course not, I'm not crazy !".
Thus you must understand that there are more Ukrainians living in Hawaii than Americans in Tahiti. The latest census (year 2003) showed that less then 110 US citizens (most of whom speak French and Tahitian) are permanent residents in Tahiti.
So, would you publish a magazine for 110 potential readers ? Of course not. As for tourists, Tahiti only had about 100.000 English speaking visitors last year, and they're not at all interested in local news.
Remember that all of French Polynesia holds only 245.000 souls living on 117 islands, and that half of these people are less than 20 years old.
Also, as reading is not a great Polynesian tradition, it is already a miracle that this French language magazine even exists !
Thus, the only other solution for you to get good news from Tahiti is to learn French.
It is a beautiful language !
As I happen to speak 5 languages, please allow me to give expert advice on how to achieve this quickly :
- The best way to learn a foreign language is in bed.
- If you are a man, get quickly a French,or, even better, a Tahitian mistress.
- If you are one of these liberated, efficient, ambitious and modern females, get a French or Tahitian lover.
- And for those new fashoniable gays, just invert partners specified above.
Also in English :
The first 20 years in Tahiti are the hardest!
A kava ceremony in the Marquesas in 1913.
Before leaving our site, please read this :
"Business in Paradise"
In a small village, on a small atoll in French Polynesia, a vacationing businessman walks on the beach along the lagoon. A fisherman in an outrigger canoe returns from the ocean through the pass and pulls the canoe on the beach. Several big tunas are lying inside the boat. The foreigner admires the size and the freshness of the fish and compliments the Polynesian fisherman, asking him how long it took to catch them.
-" Not very long ", answers the fisherman.
-" But then, why didn't you stay out there to catch more ?" the tourist asks.
The Polynesian replies that these few fishes will be sufficient to feed his family.
The visitor then asks:
- " But what then do you do the rest of the day? "
- " I sleep late, I fish a little, I play with my children, I take a nap with my wife. In the evening I go to the village to see my friends. We drink a little beer and play the guitar. I have a simple but well filled life. "
The "Popa'a" (foreigner) interrupts him :
- " Listen! I hold a Harvard MBA, I even studied a year at Yale. I am an educated man. I can help you. You should begin with fishing much longer and sell the fish you don't need. With these profits, you can then buy a bigger boat. With the money which this boat will earn for you, you'll be able to buy a second boat, and so on, until you possess a whole fleet of trawlers. Instead of selling your fish to wholesalers, you could directly negotiate with the cannery, better still, build your own factory. You could then leave your small village and move to Papeete, then maybe on to Paris, where you would run your business from. "
The Polynesian thinks things over, then asks:
- " How long would it take to do all this?
- " 15 - 20 years " answers the businessman.
- " And after that, what do I do? "
- " After that ? But this is where things really get interesting ", announces the expert, beaming: "you will then be able to sell shares of your business on the stock exchange and this is how will earn you millions, hundreds of millions! "
- " Yes ? Hundreds of millions !!!? But then, what do I do with these millions? "
- " Then, let's see. You will be able to retire, to go and live quietly in a small village on some small island, on the shore of a nice lagoon. You can then sleep late, play with your grandchildren, go fishing a little, take a nap with your wife and spend your evenings drinking and playing the guitar with the few friends you'll still have.
You'll be able to do what the whole world dreams about! "
Alex W. du PREL
Black Pearls :
Some English language sites talk about Tahiti-Pacifique :
//Pacific Cafe//IFEX Alert //Coconet//